Thinking about getting a divorce? First of all, take a deep breath. It’s an emotional process, no doubt, but getting organized before you bring a lawyer into the picture can save you time, money, and stress down the line.
Whether you’ve just started considering divorce or you’re ready to move forward, having a clear game plan helps you stay in control. This checklist is designed to help beginners in the U.S. understand what to do before you even pick up the phone to call a divorce attorney.
1. Make Sure You’re Ready (Emotionally and Practically)
Divorce is a big decision, so it’s okay to second-guess yourself. Before you move forward:
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Ask yourself: Have you tried everything to repair the relationship (if that’s important to you)?
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Consider counseling or therapy — either as a couple or individually.
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Think through the long-term implications: finances, kids, housing, your social circle.
If you’re certain divorce is the right choice, then it’s time to start preparing.
2. Understand Your State’s Divorce Laws
Divorce laws vary from state to state. Some are “no-fault,” while others may consider things like adultery or abandonment. Key things to research:
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Is your state community property or equitable distribution?
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Do you meet your state’s residency requirements for divorce?
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What are the rules for alimony, child custody, and support?
You don’t need to memorize the law, but getting a basic understanding will help you ask the right questions when speaking with a lawyer.
3. Get Your Financial Documents in Order
Divorce is as much about finances as it is about feelings. Before hiring a lawyer, gather and make copies of all your key financial documents:
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Tax returns (last 2–3 years)
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Pay stubs and employment info
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Bank and credit card statements
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Retirement accounts and investments
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Mortgage and loan documents
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Any shared bills or debts
Pro tip: Open a new checking or savings account in your name only — just to start separating your finances.
4. Make a List of Assets and Debts
This isn’t just about who owns what — it’s about creating a full picture of your shared and individual property.
List all:
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Real estate
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Vehicles
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Bank accounts
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Furniture and valuables
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Debts (credit cards, student loans, etc.)
Make notes on what was brought into the marriage vs. what was acquired together. This helps determine marital vs. separate property — a key factor in division.
5. Think About the Kids (If You Have Them)
If you have children, think through what you believe is best for them — and what you’re willing to compromise on.
Ask yourself:
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What kind of custody arrangement do you want (sole, joint, physical/legal)?
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What kind of parenting schedule do you envision?
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Can you and your spouse communicate about co-parenting?
Lawyers will guide you through this, but it’s helpful to reflect ahead of time so you’re not making major decisions on the fly.
6. Start Budgeting for Life After Divorce
Even if your divorce isn’t final for months, life changes quickly. Start thinking about what your post-divorce budget will look like:
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Where will you live?
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Will you need child support or alimony?
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Can you cover your current lifestyle on one income?
This is also the time to check your credit score and consider building or protecting your credit.
7. Protect Your Privacy and Online Life
You don’t have to go full secret-agent mode, but take some smart precautions:
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Change passwords on personal accounts (email, social media, banking).
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Set up a new email address for legal and financial communications.
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Be mindful of what you post online — it can be used in court.
If you’re still living together, consider how to keep your preparation discreet until you’re ready to move forward.
8. Start a Journal or Documentation File
Begin keeping notes on:
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Major conversations with your spouse (especially if tensions are high)
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Parenting responsibilities and schedules
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Any incidents that could affect custody or property division
Having a dated, detailed log can be extremely helpful if things get complicated later.
9. Research Divorce Lawyers — But Don’t Hire Yet
Start reading reviews, asking for referrals, or browsing law firm websites. Look for someone who:
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Specializes in family law in your state
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Has experience with cases similar to yours
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Communicates clearly and respectfully
Make a shortlist and prepare questions. You don’t need to commit yet, but be ready to schedule consultations once your prep work is done.
Final Thoughts
Preparing for divorce isn’t just about legal strategy — it’s about protecting your peace of mind. The more groundwork you do before hiring a divorce lawyer, the more empowered you’ll feel throughout the process.
Remember, you’re not alone in this. Many people have walked this path — and with the right preparation, you can navigate it with clarity and confidence.
